Monday, August 6, 2012

Waiting for the Answers

You say I’m irresistible
then you resist me
You say you’re in love
then you update your online dating profiles
You say we are meant to be
then you are pretending none of it ever happened
You say I don’t realize I need time alone,
Then you say…really you do.
What am I supposed to believe?
You never lied to me
But your truths are more confusing than a lie could ever be
You say you’re sure
Then we’ll see.
Your words are sand in my shoes
What am I supposed to believe?

You say you are going crazy with wanting me
Then you won’t make a plan for Wednesday
You say you don’t want to use me
But can I give you a haircut?
You say I smell like the first time…in the coffeeshop
Then won’t tell me what that means.
You look wonderful to me, edible even
But I used to put you down.
You make my breath catch in my throat, my face tingles with desire
But when I had you, I ran away.
What are you supposed to believe?

Why does the world change so drastically in one day?
How can I pray for something earnestly only to receive it too late?
Why is there a whole maze of pain to walk through
before love will show me the way?
Why do I have to make every mistake five times
Before the lesson is tattooed on my soul?

How come my soul isn’t louder?
Speak, Soul. Speak up. Stop whispering.
We are all waiting for the answers.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


Here is my desk. Imagine an iceberg. This mess you see on the surface is only the tip. Inside each closet, the basement, cabinets, drawers and my attic is the rest of the iceberg. I came back from vacation with a strange fire inside me to get rid of everything I own. But still I slept (unnecessarily) until 9am. So now I am going out to mow the lawn (its way overgrown). Another aspect of the iceberg.
This is my first iceberg I liked. I gave it away as a birthday present.
Here is the second one I made that I really liked. I gave it away as a "thanks for visiting me from far far away" present.
This is my favorite one so far. I always did love possessions and art. I am keeping it (unless it gets consumed by the strange fire and I have to get rid of it too) Dear Universe, I am ready to let go of everything. Every Thing. (willingness)